Start of School

Christopher and I both started school last week.  He is in 7th grade and had to unfortunately go to the new middle school on the other side of our subdivision.  This year he has math, language arts, Texas history, science, tennis, multimedia and video production and art.  He likes his teachers and says that the new middle school is the nicest middle school he has ever seen.  So we are off to a good start!

I too had a good start to school.  I did share the news of Willow Ann with my staff as well as the parents of my students.  It wasn’t easy, but I am glad I did.  Everyone has been incredibly supportive.  I am truly blessed to work in the school that I do, with the team that I have and under the leadership of a very understanding principal. 

Sweetest Thing

I just had to get our little one a cute little outfit to wear at the hospital.  This picture doesn’t really show how small the dress is.  I couldn’t believe the size of it.  It is is sweet and heartbreaking all at the same time.  I have great hopes that she will get to at least one pound.  As of tomorrow, Willow will be 25 weeks.  We needed to get to 25 weeks so that a photographer from the organization Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep could come and take pictures or our family at the hospital.  I pray that it works out and they are able to come.

Special Package

String of Pearls is an amazing organization that offers support to families who have been given a fatal prenatal diagnosis.  I contacted the founder Laura over a month ago.  She quickly mailed out the most amazing package of keepsakes.  We were given an ornament that we can stamp a print of Willow’s feet on, a photo album and some plaster in which we can make prints of molds of both her hands and feet.  There was also a journal and book to help us through this time.  These are packed in the closet waiting her arrival.  Laura has also emailed me to let me know she is thinking of us.  These emails come at the most perfect times. 

A Little Something

My mom stopped by about 2 weeks ago to have some lunch before she and my dad left for a vacation.  She gave me this beautiful bracelet so that I would have something to remind me of Willow.  It is a small, delicate silver bracelet with a pink sapphire stone.  I have been wearing it a lot and absolutely love it!  Thank you Mom!

I Will Carry You

I came across the blog Bring the Rain a few years ago.  I read the words Angie Smith wrote about her daughter Audrey Caroline and thought it was just so sad.  Never did I think, I would be in the same position.  I am currently reading her book I Will Carry You.  Here is a song that her husband wrote for their daughter.  I warn you that if you watch the video be prepared with some Kleenex.  I watched it on Friday and when Steve got home he said “are you okay?”  My eyes were still a little red and puffy!  I think the song is just beautiful and completely captures how we feel. 

 

 

I Will Carry You by Selah

There were photographs I wanted to take,
Things I wanted to show you,
Sing sweet lullabys,
Wipe your teary eyes,
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not,
Truth is I'm barely hangin' on,
There's a greater story
Written long before me,
Because He loves you like this.

Chours:
I will carry you,
While your heart beats here,
Long beyond the empty cradle,
Through the coming years,
I will carry you,
All my life,
I will praise the One,
Who's chosen me,
To carry you.

Bridge:
Such a short time,
Such a long road,
All this maddness,
But I know,
That the silence,
Has brought me to His voice,
And He said,

"I've shown her photographs of time beginning,
Walked her through the parted sea,
Angel lullabys,
No more teary eyes,
Who could love her like this?"

Chours:
I will carry you,
While your heart beats here,
Long beyond the empty cradle,
Through the coming years,
I will carry you,
All your life,
I will praise the One,
Who's chosen me,
To carry you.

BNL Concert

On Tuesday, Steve and I had a little date night in honor of his birthday!  We went to see Barenaked Ladies, a band he loves!  We had great seats and the enjoyed the show.  Steve was a little disappointed because one of the lead singers was no longer in the band.  The concert and the songs were still good though!  I think Willow also enjoyed her first concert experience!  I felt her moving a little bit. 

  

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Super Hero #16

One of my students had an obsession with superheroes for a while this spring.  He had given each one a number up to 15.  I tried to get him to say #16 Ms. Scott for a long time.  His parents spent one weekend drilling him on it and I finally achieved super hero status!

These days I wish I could be a super hero.  I wish I could make our world right and the pain go away.  I wish I could be as strong as a super hero is ALL the time.  I try to be strong,.  I can smile, I can laugh and I can go on with my day.  There are moments though that I am week and the pain and sadness catch me off guard.  These days tears seem to come easily and at the strangest most unexpected moments.   Like last weekend when I listened to Steve wake C up.  It was sad for me to realize that Willow will never be woken up by him singing to her.  These times are hard.

As hard as this is to say, I am glad to know our outcome.  We have started the grieving process now and can plan for the days ahead.  I have been reading blogs by woman who have lost their children.  Most of whom the loss was unexpected.  I can’t imagine how that would feel.  This is hard enough. 

I have two more weeks and then head back to work, I will be wearing my super hero cape then.  I don’t know to tell an entire staff about our daughter and I really don’t want to have them look at me with pity and sadness.  That is the worst.  I must say, that I am fortunate enough to work with the most supportive staff.   I just want the first week to go by fast and then I can hide in my cave of a classroom with my kiddos.