Thinking of You

 

Second Angel Anniversary

 

Two years ago we met you and said goodbye.  Today is still hard, as have the days leading up to your birthday.  Even with your little brother keeping me busy, I still miss you.  In him I see you. I wish today that I had both of you here to love on.  Happy birthday, Willow Ann! 

Sweet Words

My sweet friend Erika, sent me this poem she found.  It made her think of Willow and I think it is so sweet.

Do not stand at my grave and weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Mary Elizabeth Frye

Kelly’s Korner

I am linking up with Kelly’s Korner today. She is connecting mother’s who have lost children. 

My husband and I lost our daughter, Willow Ann to triploidy on September 24th 2010.  We had known since the beginning of July that she had a chromosome anomaly and would not live very long.  We choose to carry her despite the fatal diagnosis.  Unfortunately, on that September day, preeclampsia set in and I had to have an emergency c section.  Willow was born at 28 weeks and lived for a few minutes.  This is where I write about her and my grieve.  We are currently expecting our rainbow baby.

Break Down

A few weeks ago, I had a break down.  I should have seen it coming. I am good at knowing the signs and warning the husband, but I missed them.  So at 4 in the morning, I found the tears starting.  I thought I could push them away, but I couldn’t.  My husband woke to a mess.  He quietly waited for me the crying to pass and then I told him how sad I was that I wouldn’t be able to buy things for Willow.  I would never buy her Easter dresses or get a room ready for her.  I would never get to have Mommy/daughter outings.  It’s not to say that I am not thrilled to be having a healthy happy boy, but I was just sad to miss out on all of these things too.  I want all my kids here, to watch them all grow up. Some times life just sucks and that Sunday morning I was feeling it. 

A Rainbow

 

A rainbow is a promise of sunshine after the rain, of calm after storms, of joy after sadness, of peace after pain, of love after loss.

 

Meet our rainbow…

In the baby loss community, it is said the baby born after the loss of a child is a rainbow.  Our rainbow baby is due August 14th. 

Today, we met with our specialist for the second time.  He again confirmed a healthy baby and this time we were also told that it’s a boy! 

~ in love ~

Love it

Image via

Just Because…

Faith

 

Last year, my word for the year was hope.  We successfully survived 2011.  We had more laughter than tears.  We survived many firsts without Willow.  My word for this year is faith.  I have faith that my family will remain healthy and strong. Faith that we will continue to laugh and enjoy each other. Faith that we will find our rainbow in the storm that we have survived.