One year ago, Steve and I found ourselves in the hospital. One year ago, we said “hello and goodbye” in a matter of minutes. One year ago, our lives were forever changed, when we met Willow Ann. We are one year closer to holding her again.
(picture from my wonderful friend, Erika)
At some of the darkest moments in my life, some people I thought of as friends deserted me-some because they cared about me and it hurt them to see me in pain; others because I reminded them of their own vulnerability, and that was more than they could handle. BUT real friends overcame their discomfort and came to sit with me. If they had not words to make me feel better, they sat in silence and I loved them for it." - Harold Kushner (thanks Unspoken Grief for sharing!)
This quote speaks volumes to me. Over the past year, so many people have supported me, but others have found it difficult to relate to the loss of my daughter. I have been blessed by two amazing friends that always know when I need some words of encouragement. They let me vent and offer advice. They are not afraid to speak her name and for that I am so grateful. Thank you Erika and Carole for standing by me this past year.
A wonderful resource for parents who have lost a baby. Please vote so that they can further help more families though a difficult time.
A year ago I shared the news with my husband that I was pregnant! I was on cloud nine and my feet didn’t touch the ground until that fateful day in July. It’s hard to believe that it has been a year and hard to believe what our reality is. As time moves forward and we move on, I still long for her and the pregnancy that didn’t get to be. Some days are just hard and today is one of them.
I read this blog post by Franchesca at Small Bird Studios http://smallbirdstudios.com/2011/03/27/healing-or-something-like-it/
I liked the picture and could relate to her post.
I told my husband last week that it was nice to laugh. We spent the night laughing and it felt good. He thought I was crazy, but what I meant was that it was nice to laugh and not feel guilty. For a long time after Willow was born, I felt guilty when I laughed. That it was wrong to enjoy myself and I that I should be filled with sadness. So last week, I realized that I was laughing again without thinking about, without guilt. It was nice.
Mary, a fellow BLM, has given me this award. Mary blogs at Blessed Not Crazy and Micah’s Gift. Mary sent me the best email on a day that I needed it the most. She also remembered sweet Willow. It meant so much to me. Thank you Mary for this sweet award!
Here are the rules that come with receiving this award....
1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you this award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers.
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award!
7 Things about myself:
~ I have lived in 3 different states: Illinois, Missouri and Texas. Texas has been my home for 20 years.
~ I love to spend time with my husband and stepson
~ I have been a teacher for 14 years
~ I have chapstick with me at all times
~ I love to read, especially during my breaks
~ My dog’s name is Trouble and she lives up to it
~ I enjoy being crafty. I like to stamp cards and I have recently found digital scrapbooking. While I don’t scrapbook, I do like to make my own headers for my blog!
I am sending this award on to these fellow bloggers. I love to read each of your blogs.
~ JenJen at Lily’s Mommy Forever
~ Megan at Pearl Music
~ Tiffany at Names On the Sidewalk
~ Ashley at A Ruby Family
~ Angela at Little Bird
~ Annette at Valentina In the Sky
I read on another blog about having a word for the year. The word hope immediately came to my mind. 2010 was a rough year. It seemed like a black cloud followed us from the spring into the fall. It was the toughest year we have faced together and I hope we never face another one like it.
In 2010, I learned the true meaning of love. I learned how strong I am. I have learned that while my heart will forever be broken, it is okay for me to laugh and enjoy my life. It is also okay for me to be sad and to cry some days. It is only natural. I will never truly be the same person that I was before July 7th, but I learned that I will be okay. I have never been more thankful for my family and friends. They gave us support when we needed it the most and we can’t say thank you enough. Still today, I feel so blessed by the outpouring of love that we have felt from everyone.
Steve and I couldn’t wait to start 2011 and put 2010 behind us. I hope that 2011is filled with more happiness than sadness, more laughter than tears and more ups than downs. Mostly, I hope for that one dream of mine to become a realization. I don’t know what twenty eleven will bring for us, but I have hope and I have faith that 2011 will be better.
Jeremiah 29:11~
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future
