10.06.2010

Friday Night with Willow

Steve was handed Willow in the OR.  He held her tightly as he watched over me.  When the surgery was finished, I was wheeled back into our room.  I was shaking partly from the coldness of the OR and partly because the epidural was wearing off.  They laid a warming blanket on me, but it still took a couple hours for the shaking to completely stop.  I couldn’t wait for it to end, so I could hold my baby girl. 

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~ Steve and Willow ~

(So glad the nurses captured this moment.  Steve with his little bowhead!)

My parents were able to come back and see us right away.  Christopher opted to wait a bit before coming back.  So my parents checked on me and got to see Willow.  Then they took C to dinner down in the cafeteria.  This allowed Steve and I some time with Willow  alone.  Steve later told me he held Willow for 3 hours.  He wanted to keep her warm for when I finally got to hold her.  This brings tears to my eyes even now.  During this time we decided that we didn’t want to have the photographers from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep to come.  It is a wonderful organization, but at the moment we wanted to keep it just family.  I think it was a good decision for us, but I do wish I had taken more photos on my own. 

As the shaking ended, Steve was able to hand Willow to me.  It was a bittersweet moment, but one I will remember forever.  I just stared at her little face. She looked so peaceful. 

IMG_5889~ Willow and I ~

I remember telling Steve that I was a mom now and he just smiled and said “yes you are.”  I was on cloud nine at that time.  IMG_5892

Later that evening my brother-in-law and sister-in-law were able to join us.  My parents, Christopher and my brother also came back to the room  When we were all there together, I asked my brother-in-law if he could baptize Willow.  Unfortunately, I didn’t know that Baptists didn’t baptize children.  They feel all children go straight to heaven.  I love that and do believe this, but my family baptizes babies.  So it was important, especially to my brother that she be baptized.  That night with our family making a semi circle around Willow and I, my brother Jason baptized Willow.  It was the most touching moment.  It was hard for Jason to get through the prayer, but he did an amazing job and it truly meant the world to me.  There wasn’t a dry eye in the room.  Then my sister-in-law, Lisa said an amazing prayer. 

Our families left.  During this time, I was able to unwrapped Willow so I could gaze are her little feet and hands and fully inspect her tiny parts.  I was scared to do it early because she was so fragile and I didn’t think I could wrap her back up tightly.  This is when I learned that she and I had the same feet!  Oh she was heavenly. 

My fabulous night nurse, Sue came back to get Willow.  She said that her friend and fellow nurse Karen was going to dress her and take some more pictures of Willow.  I asked her if she could put her feet prints on the ornament that I had gotten from the String of Pearls care package.  Sue, said Karen would take care of it. 

They moved me to a more private room.  The room was on the end of the labor and delivery wing and away from crying babies.  They were all so supportive of our situation and tried to make it as easy as possible for us.  Steve and I were finally able to try and sleep.  Resting wasn’t easy that night.  My nurse was checking vitals every hour and drawing blood every 4 hours.  I do know that I went to bed that night as a mom. 

2 comments:

Megan said...

"I do know I went to bed that night as a mom." Oh, I love this. What a sweet girl. She made you a mama.

I hope it's okay if I link to your blog on mine. I just think these babies' stories are precious and need to be heard.

Patricia Murray said...

October 22nd,1984 was the day my tiny daughter, Stephanie Ann, was born. She lived for 2 days and passed away on October 24th, 1984 of Triploidy Syndrome. There were no blogs, no studies, no one even knew what it was until results of her autopsy came back. In the ensuing 30 years, it's only today with this blog,that I find there are other women who went through the same agony I went through.

I'm pretty sure Stephanie was there to show Willow around the new digs. Thanks for sharing your story. Pat M.